so are we both back on the game again?
and in the meantime...

让我又爱又恨
他的爱怎么那么深

" There is something deeply puzzling about the commitments that we make, into the distant future, when we know that things will change."

somehow i find doing the weirdest thing like re-arranging my room at midnight very therapeutic.and my favourite space is:

so pretttyyy :)
yeah i know its plasticy ring but that was my ahem imaginary wedding ring ten plus years ago so dont judge. and the white heels on seashell is so cuteee :)
and and and the mini mickey and friends! major loveeeee!!



p.s.
omg bestest guess what i found! please be very very honoured!


pps. i freaking saw music boyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

being sweet-talked is one thing.being sweet-talked by someone you care is another thing.
and i definitely cannot resist the latter.
you're rushing through your work to spend time with me because ahem you're neglecting me(not my words!), and little things like this really overwhelmed me which explains why in a million times i'm not replying you.
to love is hard, but some times i feel that being loved is equally difficult. the fact that people actually care and you have the responsibility to not break his heart, now how do you do that?
insecurities, expectations, sacrifices and so many other things running through my head.sigh.we really need to talk
its very extra super nerve-wrecking(?)
i dont know.i've never been this nervous about seeing you, other than maybe the first time, but i'm really feeling the butterflies in your stomach thingy.not cool.

"are you okay?"
"why should i not be?"
"you're not"
just one of these days i may start hating you for being able to read me like a book.

us and the inevitable we-need-to-talk
i just wonder when will that be.

loverboy.i've got so much to tell you.
i really really need to see you.badly
you always know how to tear down my defences.see through my lies.make me think twice
are you thinking of me now? i wonder.
yst night was probably really bad and restless for you.but do you know it applies to me too? hurting you doesnt make me feel any better.that much is true.
you know it dont you? that my head tells me to leave you so that i dont have to go through another round of heartbreak.but my heart begs me not to.
and if my first lesson is to teach you to treasure people before you lose them then so be it.

i've just finished watching an education and wow love it.
feels just like that.schoolgirl leading a normal yet very boring life until she met some not so young guy that opened her eyes for the first time.like you did.
to see the world through your eyes, to be part of your world, all these are new.and incredible.yet insanely insane.
you've charmed your way through.through my life.through my heart.
its getting really hard and harder each time to quit you.
but where are we going?what's next?and how will all these end?
i'm really crossing my fingers that it will all work out.

here we are, taking an unofficial break from each other for the time being.
i guess its a good thing, even though noone knows what will happen next.
maybe we'll come back more insane than ever, wanting more of each other.
then again.maybe we'll be like strangers that part and go on separate ways.
its crazy how after honeymoon it takes super alot of hardwork and effort to built everything up, and maybe we're both not ready for this.

sometimes i wonder if you only lust for me, or if you, even if its just a tiny fraction, ever wanted to conquer my soul.

"Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you"
Nichole krauss- history of love